not the end...

as i had thought it would be, life has not ended yet (of boredom) but has found a new direction.
my hobby of cooking has taken a leap, and now i experiment with something new every weekend.
catch all of it on http://cookingcronicles.blogspot.com/

Wat-e-life part 2

Its almost a year now that i am writing something, but this is not indicative of how busy i have been but how lazy i have become....

changes changes and even more changes, were scaring me first, however now i have found ways to manage most of them... and not only that, i have finally got around doing what i was dying to do all my life... i have started baking... i made my first choclate chip cookies yesterday... and they dint turn out to be so bad either.. quite gud actually.... here is a snapshot... and all thanks to Nigella...

wat-e-life!

since its after a while that i have got time to catch my breath, let me check one more item from my "to do" list...

life has been almost like a crowded highway, and i have been trying my best not to get lost in the madness. On a second thought its not much of madness but the pace, which is new for me.. five years in a place where time had lost its meaning altogether, i m finding it little tedious to cope up with my surroundings.

like all others with jobs, i am too working 9 to 5 (and sometimes 8) everyday and keep the things 'to do' for weekends and then also i have to prioritize. 'manager' as i was called back in college is trying to recapture the managerial skills. maybe because there was nothing else to do there, that i was so efficient with keeping a track of everything, but here since i have started living in the real world, things seem far too different from their idealist picture we had in mind.

in real world people are more concerned about the telephone connection they need than what ideologies they believe in, where going out with friends happens once in ages and the head is cluttered way to much with worries of work and home, to help someone else with their troubles.

yes i have become a part of that crowd, yes i have become that person, which i had promised myself never to become and i have compromised with the things, i thought would always remain my strongest beliefs.

B.Sc, LL.B (Hons)

today officially i am a lawyer...

cant believe still, feels like yesterday when i packed my bags to go to college for the first time and now its already been 5 years ...

and only after college was over i realised that the time which has passed will never come back, all the things i did in college, i will never do them again, all the time i spent with my friends will never come back.. the last days of college were the most memorable of my entire life... i ve never been wilder...but its all gone now and it would never be the same again.. i m sad..

something i had has not come back with me from college and i can feel the void inside me which cant be filled and all i have now is memories of those five years which i will cherish my entire life...

and today i got my results, i was seriously hoping to fail, so i could go back again but i passed, with best result in five years, and unbelievable it may sound but i m officially a lawyer today...

goodbye???

yes it did finally come after the long wait, the Farewell... and it did leave some people sad, but as expected for me, it was more joyous than anything else.. i am going to leave college, in less than a month..

i always thought that a place where i have spent the most important five years of my life, which has made me the person i am today and coz of which i have a job, it wont be that easy to say goodbye to that place, however as it turns out its more of good-riddance than goodbye...

i was never in love with this place or the people here, but life was good and the people were nice, infact, i was more sad at the end of my 4th year, thinking that i only had 1 more year to go. but as the day approaches i cant help but feel lot happier.

maybe coz the place i will be living from now is the place i love the most and i cant wait to be there or is it my inability to tolerate people for more than a specific period of time, even if they are my friends, or that i need a complete change of surroundings and the people around me after every couple of years ?

to speak the truth i have had more than enough of this place... i have had enough of all the college fun,and i have changed so much so that i cant even imagine that i ever did all the wild stuff if it wasn't for the photographs...

have i grown up so much in the past year that all this seems way too childish and irritating or it has got into my normal tendency to change everything i was ever associated with....

whatever it is i m too glad that the end of this phase is near....

let the time come...

so i went for another vacation and came back.. goa yet again, and the place was as amazing as it was the last time... what would the world be without goa.. god bless goa...
but what after goa.. as always i have nuthing to do now, except for sitting and getting bored. but this very boredom made me realise that i can not have nuthing to think bout.. for a person like me its very important to have something to think bout, something to look forward to, something to plan about..
and thats how it happened, something which i was always unsure bout and had almost decided against it, i changed my mind and it appeared the most natural thing to do, dint take me more than 5 seconds to get the picture clear in my head.
i was pretty sure that i would be happy with what i have achieved till now, forever and would not want more. but as it so occurs, when the whole thing about getting a job has sunken in, i felt that i can not always do that, i will need to do more, coz thats definitely not the goal of my life and right now maybe i dont see it but life is always about achieving more, challenging urself and trying till the desired result is achieved. so maybe i was feeling lazy till now, but i cannot restrict myself just because i was feeling lazy.. there is so much more to life.. and the least i can do is to give myself a fair chance...
now i guess i get what it meant, "we are meant to do a lot more and life isnt over yet"..
there might be things we r unsure bout, but when the time comes, those will be the easiest decisions to make...

chapter III

so finally .. after years and years i m free ....
free and done with studies... ( not exactly.. as i still have 3 months to go) but i know what i ll be doing after these 3 months are over...
what i have been waiting for is finally here .. marking the end of another chapter of life.. college...
i have got a job... still cant believe it but yes i have.. i m not useless as i thought i am but quite worthy ... not like life would have ended if i did not get a job for myself but it would not have been worth living either.. 5 years of this life i have spend in gaining knowledge for a vocation and if in the end it results in nothing .. i cant even dare to think what i would have done with myself..
i have lived for this day all my life, to be independent in every sense of the word.. to be on my own, to do as i please, to be what i want to be.
of all things i guess i m most thankful for getting rid of the uncertainty which was hanging like a sword on my head... not to know where i will end up after putting so much effort and time, could have been depressing and i dont know to what degree...
to be able to know the entire route map of life is definitely not what i want but for now i m glad that i have a direction to proceed...

on board Mandore Express

there are things that happen in this world but are quite outside the boundaries of your world, or u think that they are, life has never been so helpless for you, accidents.. never happened. makes you quite carefree.

but life knows when and where an experience is needed, good or bad, but the event surely makes you wake up from the "all is well" world of yours and take notice.

on board Mandore Express. Friday, November 13th, was one such day. everything was fine, as usual, college semester got over and a lot of students including me were off, taking the most convenient Mandore Express, to reach delhi, for our further trip to Dharamshala. as excited i was after the exams got over, to have some fun, never in my wildest dreams had i imagined that the trip would be cut short, when mandore express derailed that night at 1:35 am.

i was sleeping on my berth, with headphones on, and suddenly the train started shaking, which got worse in the next 30 seconds or so... the attendant was tryin to calm the screaming passengers, the train just got derailed, and everyone should get out at once.

at first i couldnt realise the fact that something terrible has happened, maybe i was still sleepy, i got out of the train, searching for my friends. i found them, everyone was safe.

next 30 mins were full of anxiety, people searching for their friends, their luggage, i was just trying to get the entire incident sink in. i thought that a few coaches had derailed, so they were just tilted. i was walking in that direction where the situation wasnt that bad.

someone asked me to go in search of their luggage, i walked in the other direction only to see in the darkness that two coaches had actually fallen down on their sides and people were still inside them and being rescued. i came back, a few minutes later came the news that a girl from my college was seriously injured and was being taken to the hospital.

i was with two other friends in my coach, and only half an hour before the entire incident they had left their berths and gone to some other coach. a rail track had entered in the train from the bottom and through the berths. those were the berths of my friends who had left just some time back..... and the girl who was rushed to the hospital was not unconscious, she had died.

i couldnt register these facts immediately, and then when i did, was my threshold, i broke down, never had i cried like this before, the thought process had just stopped, my mind went blank.....

we were there from 1.35 am till 5 am, watching people run towards NH 8, stopping any vehicle that passed by, and leaving as soon as possible.

we left at 5 am, reaching jaipur at 6, my mother had come to pick me from there.

for the next two days, maybe i dint realised but people around me did, i was numb. i was in shock and the scene wouldnt leave my sight. nothing mattered. everything had lost its significance.

there were around 70 people from my college in that train, 1 dead, few injured. although i was safe, but the entire incident left a scar in my mind, which will remain fresh forever...

i have changed, i can feel it. i wasnt sacred of anything, now my fears have a face.

Rat Race.

as much as i say that i want to keep away from it, the fact still remains that i m a part of this rat race, and will continue to be until i finally get a place for myself. being competitive may be enjoyable for some, but i loathe it more than anything else, and would give nything to get out of this whirlpool.
it sounds very nice when u r actually far from it, the whole idea of making something of yourself and doing good in life by being a part of this nonsense etc, but when it actually comes face to face, thr is nothing ickier.
why do i want to do something i hate doing and doing better than others, who made it a compulsion, to know where you will be in 8 months from now, and look upto those who have their entire life planned out in front of them... why would i want to do that....
i dont want to know what i will do, or even if i have to i ll find it eventually, give me time and let me find out, instead of just pushing me into something which is so clearly not for me...
is it my own head thats messing with me or should i blame the circumstances, for putting me through this torture, coz i sure as hell dont want anything to do with it, call me a coward, but i want to take the first road out, away from this madness....

do it.

and by far this is the best thing about life... if u actually dont make it, it can never be boring.. or as one might say that the human nature is such that we are never contended and seeking newer aims or destinations is always the next thing to do once u have successfully accomplished your last endeavor.
there is always hope to achieve next levels in what you already know, and improve yourself or to have a completely new experience. and through these very experiences you can learn the most difficult lessons of life in the easiest and least painful ways. but of course for that you ll have to be ready to take the risks involved, coz if u are just worried that what will happen if it goes wrong, then sorry bro, there is no way you can actually learn anything, as until u fail u wont know how gud success feels.
so if u r scared today, most probably u ll be regretting it tomorrow coz u dint try anything for the fear of being hurt and now when u cant do t any longer u just feel if .. if only u had tried it and learned from it, gud bad whatever the outcome may have been.
and hence Mark Twain has put it correctly that after 20 years would not regret what u did but what u dint do.

a little romance...

yes i am writing about romance.
i, for the simple reason that i m me, would not like to believe in the idea of romance, but of lately thanks to my reading, have realised that romance after all might not be as weird as i think it will be. however the romance i am talking about is not only the lovey dovey stuff between 2 people madly in love or something of that sort, but my idea of romance is a much wider expression of the feelings, which are the result of pure, simple and uncomplicated happiness felt by a person for any particular thing or person or place or watever it is that makes him happy...
for me romance is the description of the beauty of a place, in structures created by man or wonders of nature, told in a manner that makes you fall in love with the place, despite of the fact that the actual experience of that place is yet to be had. but somehow the written word for it creates an image in the mind, which gives a happiness, that is no less than romance.
ok so all this dint occur to me while just sitting and staring at a wall, i read "of human bondage", by W. Somerset Maugham. it is generally described as a tragic and unhappy story, but somehow i felt that it had caught the element of romance which is not seen so frequently. the romantic description of Paris and its society and its art and architecture and everything made me fall in love with the place. i only hope that Philip would have gone to Spain as well.
the protagonist was a hopeless lover (and i rarely feel bad about self inflicted unhappiness), however somehow the description of his helplessness made me feel sorry for him. and i could feel the need of romance that Philip so often felt and thankfully which he gets in the end.
but the high point of the book was the description of the people and their lives, their ambitions or the lack of it and how meaningless life could be and how meaningful you can actually make it.
i guess it was one lucky day when i decided to read this book, which opened me to the beautiful world of romance which otherwise i would have ignored.

requirement.

every person on this planet would have thought about this sometime or the other.. what is that you need to be happy in life.. or contended may be... some material necessities and other humanly requirements... looks quite simple if put it this way but every life ends while trying to get the best of the available options....
and so the search begins.. for finding what you cant give to urself, some may call it love, few others companionship, i would call it the inevitable requirement for being human, and so if everyone needs it, why is it so that some people are luckier than the rest... that while some are happy and the others can only wish for that happiness...
for me standing at this point of time i am left with only two questions, of which this one s the most difficult to answer, since the transition stage of life is round the corner, the inevitable requirement of life; will be easy to fulfill or it will take time and effort and whether it ll be forever or just momentary till when u r lucky after which the search will begin again...

sweet revenge...

ignorance might be bliss, but doubt is the most painful thing to have specially with regards to stuff closer to the heart, so what can be better but to give doubts to fuck someone s brain... i know i m revenge seeking bitch.... as clarified earlier...
thats the beauty of it, u dont actually do nything but let them guess for their own while u stand and laugh ... and so its ended, as long as they wish or man, i m not tired, i can play this game forever...
i know forgive nd forget sounds better but trust me, as the evil side of you knows, nothing is sweeter than revenge... oh i feel so much better now.... try to mess with me... i would love to give it back....

change of frame...

read somewhere "we were meant to live for so much more... have we lost ourselves?"
so is that we have lived our lives and there is nothing more to do or experience or is it just a phase which will also pass and we will eventually find ourselves and the meaning of life...
i agree that life has so much to offer and one lifetime may not be enough for that but just coz for a particular period majority of our time is consumed by a single experience doesnt make life stagnant.
try to look back, i m sure thr s so much that we have alreday accomplished and learned but is it possible that everyday of our lives has some new excitement to it.. wont thr be days which are just plain, which have nuthing extraordinary bout them...
or am i being too optimistic to believe that life is very long and we have plenty of time to achieve and see wat all lies in future?
and who defines what all should we live for.. isnt life diferent to every individual...
all we need is to change the way we look at things.. the glass wont be full ... it ll be half full or half empty.. difference lies in how you look at it...

blissful tan

nd so we love taking breaks from our same hectic and boring schedule, and go to places where time looses its effect and the blissful days and nights are spent lazyin around, which becomes even better if the lazyin around is on some beach with gud food and loads of flowing beer...
and thats precisely how i would describe Goa, the place i have fallen in love with... for i knew that i needed a break, but the break would be so delightful was little beyond my expectations... and for those blissful moments i dint mind getting so tanned also...
those were the days of absolute beatitude, and i cared for nothing, life before and after that place seemed of little relevance and the worries of this world felt alien.. the high of the place was more than ny other intoxication, nd all i wanted to do was to loose in those times i spent by the sea...
nd it does surprise me as to how a place can have such an effect on mind that the world seems to be a better place and all the annoyance and troubles feel to exist only in fiction...
now it feels that the place was a part of some fantasy or imagination, but it did exist and the memories will be preserved for years to come, as one of the best times i had in my life...

Chateau Haut Rian, PREMIERES COTES DE BORDEAUX

one of the finest french wines, bordeaux has a taste that u can enjoy for long, but not everyone likes the taste of wine, u may develop the taste with time... but wine gives this nice feeling which i absolutely love...
so is it only wine or there are some other things to life for which a taste has to be developed coz for the first time it ll just be weird bitterness...
and there s some other stuff which keeps on hangin between gud and bad.. as soon as u decide that its gud... u get the worst of it, and unexpectedly it might be the best thing happenin t o you.. difficult to decide but where to classify this stuff? gud old wine or just crappy fermented juice??
and yet there are other things which are basically crap but just that coz u r totally into them, u take them without any objections...
sometimes i wonder how would it be if life could be just sailing on the French Riviera on a private yacht, n sippin bordeaux by moonlight, to the casinos of Monte Carlo.. nd beyond without the worries...

25 (no so ) random things

1. I prefer being definite, rather than random.
2. The only thing I m in love with, I m obsessed with, I totally care about, etc is myself, I m self obsessed.
3. Nothing concerns me which is not concerned with me, that’s the reason that I don’t feel for any cause which has no direct connection with me ( homosexuality, women rights , animal rights , even terrorism come under these causes).
4. Firm believer of individual freedom, I hate people telling me what to do and how to do and this is I think the only solution to all the problems of the world, let people decide for themselves.
5. I do everything I believe in, n it does not matter if that is what people normally do.
6. I don’t go by the rules of the society and go only by my instinct.
7. But I abide by the rules I make for myself and my worst fear is not being able to fulfil my own expectations.
8. I may be dominating at times but it’s completely unintentional, hence I m working on it to do away with it.
9. Some words which I don’t understand "friends" and "greatness".
10. I don’t idolize anything at all, looking up to someone is one thing I can’t do.
11. I am a taurean and hence like to lie back and until and unless extremely necessary to act.
12. I consider myself to be tolerant, to almost everything; however there is a limit after which I tend lose it all.
13. I m interested in a variety of things ranging from GUCCI to Bhagwad GITA, Religion fascinates me as much as Rolex.
14. As mentioned above the only love of my life is myself, though the there are things which I like and the list starts with travelling, the one thing I want to accomplish before my life gets over is to see every country on the globe.
15. Being self obsessed, I like keeping myself happy, and nothing makes me happier than clear blue water and white sand.
16. Knowing about things is another thing I like to do, (to be an encyclopaedia is my secret ambition).
17. And there is a difference between knowing and believing.
18. After I have visited all the countries of the world I want to live alone on a deserted island in the Indian Ocean with blue clear waters and white sandy beaches with a stack of books.
19. Cooking is another thing I m totally devoted to, I like cooking delicious food and then eating it.
20. For making life enjoyable I do a lotta things which includes shopping, food, alcohol.
21. I am extremely possessive, so I prefer liking things over people.
22. Other things will include my liking for order, with my things inside and outside my head. Everything has its place and it should stay there.
23. I like things being under control but once in a while rest is also necessary, hence my liking for alcohol for resting my head.
24. As said earlier I do whatever I think is right and what makes me happy, music, sports n stuff like that comes under that, I go to them whenever I feel like.
25. and last of all I believe in reciprocity, I like getting back what I give, and I give back what I get, so I would not mind hurting someone in return, if that has been delivered to me.

expected, inevitable or wat...

not a lot of things matter these days, save just a few, over which i want my unconditional control (yes i am extremely dominating even when i dont intend so) but the situation which should be under control sometimes takes turns, that even though i have the control the exercise of the same would lead to not so desirable results...
so despite of the fact that i have the control in my hand i still bend and accept whatever is given to me coz my desicion would not affect any one else but me.. and not in a gud way...
in the end it comes down to same old question which way to go... principles or praticality, what should i do, the expected,the ineveitable or to tell them my choice who are just not capable of understanding as to what i actually mean?
and when the choices are to be for the issues dear to you or the ones for which u have waited for a really long time... should we say, stick to the principle and forget the dream or enjoy the dream and let the principles be gone...
so is it really a matter of choice or just blind acceptance of the easier way out of the situation?
but again why should they matter for whom you r not that 'important' ....

belief...

so we do call it new year.. but if u see thr is absolutely nothing new about it except may be your calender... days come and pass by in exactly the same way they used to do last year.. so why do we get so excited for the new year... maybe coz we believe or we want to believe that this year wont be the same and we ll finally accomplish the tasks which were left behind the schedule.. so that makes it optimistic.. aint it??
then why the hell is it so difficult to be optimistic after the 1st of jan? by the end of 4th jan the same pessimist from inside crawls back on surface and the optimist is kept back in safe only to return the next 1st jan...
the belief which was so strong on the 1st.. has disappeared somewhere and i am back to my old miserable self... "The Secret" says that believe in wat u want to achieve.. but hello!!!! how do i stick to that belief when it shatters in front of my eyes? i know what i want and i want to believe in that too, but the whole damn scene looks like going in the opposite direction.... so if only i am a complete fool i can still believe in my belief....
so is it that things dont happened the way you want or its just that you dont get the POA correct and thats why the right way to the goal seems to be the wrong one?

holiday time...

christmas is just around with new year following and the holiday mood is everywhere except for my office where people are still staring at their computers, in the same way they do all the year round. my current position is also the same as my collegues but i so desperately want to get out n enjoy the holiday mood... if only i could..

the best thing to do would be an adventurous road trip to a beach, with sun shining and gud food wih some nice music.. i few unbugging people arround and.... hmmmm.. it feels so nice just to think of all this.. i wonder how it ll be to actually experience this...

but if dreams could so easily become reality, they wouldnt remain dreams anymore...

even a visit to a contemporary art gallery would do for the while..

to see happy and bright and cheerful things can be so helpful to lift your spirits is rather amusing to me..

a walk on the beach or sun in a cold winter morning..

i could give anything to experience these things now...

bottomline is to be happy is a rare occassion.. and even if u r willing to do anything for that sometimes its just not possible to have it...

TAGGG

well i think it works this way only since this is the firsttime i m doing this tagging thing

1. What does your user name mean?
same as my name and it ll take really long in explaining wat that means so let it be...
2. Elaborate on your user photo.
no photo hr...
3. How many comments do you have?
count.
4. What's your current relationship status?
single for the moment... and same for around 24hrs of the day...
5. What exactly are you wearing right now?
white and blue stripped shirt and navy blue trousers, a black watch, black shoes... i m in office yaar... i wish they allowed floaters.....
6. What is your current problem?
will i get a decent lunch for a change or eat the same idli or vada...
7. What do you love the most?
i love answering this question... me me n more of me....
8. What makes you most happy?
cooking... yea thats one thing i can never get tired of...
9. Are you musically inclined?
at an inclination of 60 degrees.
10. What would you do if you woke up one morning and found out you were on cocaine?
i knew i was meant to get wasted, so got back n sniff some more....
11. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
try to get the sleep whenever i couldnt.
12. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what would you be?
shark.
13. Ever had a near-death experience?
lots a times.. acctually 2 .. i think...
14. Name an obvious quality you have.
still searching.. i m trustworthy.. thats wat people say.. sometimes...
15. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
if only this item ac in my office making horrible noise would let any song stay in my head. before that it was Down in Mexico by The Coasters..
16. Are you happy today?
absolutely not.
17. Who will cut and paste this first?
no clue
18. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
none that i know
19. Do you have a secret crush on someone?
i want to.. but no success.
20. Do you have a garbage disposal in your kitchen sink?
yes
21. Have you ever been in a fight?
serious fight ... never... if u exclude the ones i have with my mother.. otherwise noraml fights i encounter on daily basis...
22. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
no i respect human beings...
23. What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex?
build..
24. What's your biggest mistake?
i m too gud to commit any mistake yaar.. n if thr r any .. gud that i cant remember them...
25. Say something totally random about you.
i m suffering from joblessness.
26. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
ya my side profile matched with some unknown tv actress...if that counts...
27. Are you comfortable with your height?
ya..
28. What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?
gud no one has tried it.. coz that would have been his last chance with me...
29. What are your favourite smells?
Hermes Eau De Orange Verte, Azzaro Now, tandoori chicken, tuberose and Old Spice after shave.
30. What's something that really annoys you?
dishonesty...
31. What's something you really like?
water..
32. Do you give random hugs and kisses?
no.
33. What's the latest you have ever stayed up?
2 30 i guess..
34. Have you ever been rushed to the emergency room?
not as yet..

so time for lunch now..

hope

hope is a bad thing, seriously hanging in mid air, waiting for sumthing to happen is the worst thing that can happen to anyone. but when u r on the receiving end i guess hope is the only accompanying friend u have... so i m hoping for the vella times to get over n some meaningful work to come in frm the heaven( ya litigation seems like heaven now). not that i hate sitting jobless, but thr is a limit to it, a day or 2, max 3 after that even i crave for some work.

so y is it not happening, in a city like this, Mumbai for crying out loud whr people have no time at all, i m the only person who has all the time in the world to kill. i cant even get out of the chair i m sitting in to at least roam on the roads.... save me someone.. gimme some work to do...

i had always believed that gud firms have gud work, at least they wont make me resort to filing nails, but how wrong i was.. i m doing exactly the same... boss are u listening !!! u surely dont want to pay me for keeping my nails in shape...

and hence this vellaness has gripped me so much so that only this crap is coming out of my ever so cheerful brain... ending the worst post written by me... saving the torture for myself.

MADRAS GYMKHANA

So guess wat.. Madras Gymkhana is back.. with a bang 60....
long long time ago i had this interaction with madras gymkhana and after a few hrs of head breaking, forced interrogation session, i waved it goodbye forever (forever ended today) and out of nowhere (read few lan wires and at a speed of 2mbps) its back on my head trying as hard as it can to penetrate... but hey! its me... no madras gymkhana can enter my head....
as much i want to keep the cluster out of the exclusive zone of my head, the pile of crap increases everyday, waiting in the queue to find some corner, stay thr for a while n re-emerge whenever needed. this process was once very fast, efficient, but lately i ve realised that the speed has drastically decreased, and the pile waiting outside has started to complain. not that i have ny other option, but still i seriously want to get rid of all this shit as soon as possible.
the days which everyone would like to remember as the most happening days of their lives and also the ones which will mould their future, i ve started to detest these days. i know i ll remember them forever, of all the fun times i have had here, but please enough of this fun man, i want some other fun now. get me outtta here plzz... nybody listening!!!!!!!

choice again...

there are a few things where u dont have a choice and u have to deal with whatever leftovers are remaining but still there are times when u have choices and despite what everyone else thinks and says its ultimately the person who has to live with the choices he makes... so what if the choices are not the most intelligent decisions you ve made , what if when while making the choice u were as vulnerable as you could ever be, and given the situation that was the wisest decision u could make...
later u might regret but lets not forget it was you only who made the choice and now its again u who has to live with it.
then how do i know if i made the right choice or what i m thinking is the right way to my priorities in life... cause whatever may happen i dont want my priority to change...
choices for basic tendencies of human life are the most confusing of the lot as everyone has to make that choice and stepping out of the line for those choices will inevitably raise the question, if i want wat is different from wat everyone wants or i just want to be different from the lot?
so far as i can see in the future or rather i can anticipate, my choice seems better, but again lets not forget life is never wat it seems to be.. so wat if the world around me changes to the opposite tomorrow, then will i be able to live with the choices i have made in a completely different past??
question still remains but for now i know that i have made my choice here.. and so i stand alone.

that part of me..

its difficult to explain though but i m sure most of the people have experienced this, the need of not doing the right thing every time, the temptation of stepping out of the line, for once, the thing without which u can live and be urself, but that one thing which u can resist, but u dont want to...
it is the evil side of u, but i dont want to call it evil; the mistake which u honestly want to commit, just for the kick of it, not like ur life is incomplete without it, but somehow that unexplainable urge just gets in the way...
and all this is beyond the everyday life, u r good to urself, to others, but for this part, let it remain under covers, secretly enjoy it. is it the need to have that little mystery bout urself which u confess only to the mirror n the thing to smile about... in the dark.
so what is it, is it the desire of taking risk or enjoying the pleasures of the unsaid and untold, or to share a wink with urself...
or to put it little harshly .. its the need of guilty pleasures?

freedom and responsibility.

"I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." Robert A Heinlein
i thank this guy for giving such decisive language to my thoughts...

smoky and cheesy...

so wat can be both, sour yet smooth.... a drag of gud smoke nd a mouthful of creamy cheese.....
so the post midnight munchin includes a little bit of sour memories and the smoothness of the good old times when the world was not as screwed up.... times of happiness and laughter .....
the best time of the day i utilize to call back the best memories without the dirty endings .. just the gud cheesy middle part, smooth and relishing, no worries but the pure joy of the moment...
the times without the usual crappy feeling of hatred and disgust, just the enjoyable, funfilled ever so joyous afternoons of cold december sitting for hours spending the time we never wanted to end... warmth and admiration and embrace.... never to part.. never to destroy...
so wat if the end was dirty .. you can still enjoy the warm melting cheesy part... coz below the frozen surface lies the vast expanse of unending spirit of life...

fear

one thing i fear the most is fear... i get scared by the very thought of being scared...
i try things.. all of what i can, without the fear of being unsuccessful or getting hurt, i m not sorry for myself when i carry the scars of those various risks i took n which went terribly wrong..instead these scars remind me not to be afraid to try anything..
however those invisible scars which caused much pain for a much longer time are deviating me from being me.. of trying the impossible.
suddenly i m scared of trying, fearful of taking the next step in the unseen future... i want to but something is holding me back... so much so that i m struggling with myself to leave the fear behind and at the same time avoiding the pain.. but how can i give up on the risks for the sole reason of not getting hurt..
i cannot stop taking chances, i have to be out there trying out everything, where is the person in me who doesnot want to leave any experience life has to offer... whats keeping me aback, restricting me, not letting me be me.. whom do i fight with ... myself ??? how??
i hate being scared and now i m scared.. n thats the worst that can happen to me...

LOST

here i was .. long lost .. thought i would never get lost again... but never underestimate urself... i was back again.. as i was never before.. best till date....
lost myself again, into the wonderland of my mind..... intoxicated and pure.
as people around gave a sigh.. i triumphed with joy... joy of loosing time, direction and faith can be more splendid than all the things u've found till now. and then the moment is there .. smile on the face and white in the brain.. n u know that u will long for this moment always once it is lost... so y cant we be just lost.. forever and ever...
and as usual good things never last long.. and the mind is back on track, un-intoxicated and polluted with the crap of the world.. old and bad...
the bliss of the moment was the ultimate treasure i could possess and contended with everything i was, and never thought of nything ... just lived the moment to the fullest, as life was ending the very next second... i drew all the air inside.. never to breath out again...
but reality came back n i choked.. had to let out wat i possessed.. to be cherished.

thoughts

generating amid the most irrelevant things, thoughts never stop in the mind, frequency however may vary greatly at times.... from Harward law review to a Dior cape in a never sleeping city of Moscow (as claimed by National Geographic magazine) to Zephyretta...Indian rock... n what madras gymkhana has to say about industry….

and amongst these thoughts is the compulsion of thinking bout something i am really not bothered about , but which would eventually bother my later life.... and since we all want a secure later life.. i do it....

i like the red paint, the comfy chair, the Hermes fragrance, tandoori chicken, white sand beaches, sparkling fluids, smoke, glittering nights in cold streets, lying down on National Highway at 1:30 am, sand dunes, colourful glass beads, carnations, my blue room, but these things dont make my future life happy... sad... but they make my present moment best.. n worth living for....

so why is it that i m going against the present for an unseen future... being worried about things that i dont give a damn about....

with no other thought in hand, accept that we are stuck in this cycle called life and weirdass expectations from ourselves n become a slave of future needs and ignoring our present happiness....

braindead.

deaD... deAD... dEAD... DEAD...

gud fags:bad fags

gud fags give a nice high, bag fags give terrible headaches....
gud fags are few, but sometimes u just get little bored n try the other fag, which turns out to be really bad... so when u want it the most .. u have nuthing but the bad fag.... still u try that ... may be its not that bad... but accept it .. its bad... worse.. worst...
so are other things... GF: few friends who make u laugh, n u r happy when they are around BF: rest of the friends, who just eat up ur head, wont shutup and do every thing to bug you...
u dont want gud fags to end.. but even after u r done the nice feel lingers.. bad fags, u want hem to end.. n eventually when they do... u wonder why u even got them in the first place ...
so is the world .. keep the few gud old things near you.. n dont mess up ur life trying the cool new things.. coz it will lead to only one thing... headache....
n so are people... the bad fags... never try...dont even think....
take the gud ones and be happy.

never ending quest

i m looking for it .. here there everywhere... for ever now... but it just shows a glimpse n disappears again... n i continue with my quest.
sometime someone gets it along with them... n its gets everywhere.. u get so full of it u forget the past, the unfortunate days.. u just enjoy it in the moment... to the fullest...
but ya its momentary it ll be lost soon and u ll weep for it to come back... but it wont... u ll bleed.. to death for a slight touch of it but sorry u cant get it.
so u try another way, try to get it on your own... just be urself and enjoy being that n try finding it within urself... again a silhouette... which just vanishes into thin air..
u curse urself, for not letting it stay, for being what u r n for driving it away by ur own disgusting self, n sulk for another few days.
then u get up again, determined this time to get it ... whatever it takes... u wont come back empty handed... but ha! self confidence takes u to the bottom this time and u see someone laughing at u high above... guess that was just u only.
so finally u give up .. not that u want to ... but that u have accepted.. its not meant for u .. so plz go back n be happy with wat u have...
alas!!! but how can i be ... its the happiness i was looking for....

of human jungle....

i probably should not comment bout something i m a part of but humans are a species i cant help, but to comment. yes i am also one of them but these creatures have an amazing ability, to act just opposite to what is expected from them, they are the most unreliable make of breathing things.
they have such a cold attitude in and out that the vibes are enough to give a shiver from distance, they may appear to be warm , but they are not.
appearance wise you might like them but only till the time they are not allowed to act or speak coz as soon as given that freedom, they will shatter the little bit of appreciation u have for them. they can make gud dolls, but not the speaking or singing ones, just the lifeless clay ones.
the irrationality, unreasonableness, untrustworthiness, unfaithfulness, etc are so pissing off, i sometimes wonder how worst it could be to be a part of any other kind. but since i m stuck in this form of life, to device a means to survive within their company is needed; asap.
they just have to open their mouths, utter a word and the disgust takes me all over. and all i want to do it slaughter them, hang them through their necks with their foul red liquid dripping.
the hatred doesnt stop here, but anything more will make me a cannibal.
the world is somehow tolerating this useless pile of crap, and all i want is their end.

moral lessons

the age old question of morality has finally come for my consideration....
somehow the question of morality has never confused me coz i know where will i draw my lines in this regard... my standards usually dont match the normal ones but this is something so personal to me that i cant let others decide this for me... what i do should be right to me even if the whole world thinks the other way. i do what i like, what i want, someone else may condemn me for that but hey someone else why do u bother if i am spoiling my life !!!!
this someone's moral standards seem very funny to me. people have such high opinion about themselves that they are ready to give up their basic human tendencies to catch the 10 feet high slabs of fake glass morals... i have only one question for them... WHY???????
who are u tryin to fool... or whom are u tryin to prove.. coz definately ur inner self is dying to be someone else, someone who doesnt give a damn bout your stupid morals... then why are u torturing urself.. why???

what does it take to be urself .. is it that difficult.. and if u cant be what u r then plz go.. die somewhr......

Which way to go?

Do normal human needs count before reason ? the desire of being one of those around you sometimes overpowers the force of reason. Then the world where you belong more, suddenly looks unrealistic and unimportant and the hope of being prominent in this world captures the mind. Reason reminds you to be happy n content with what you are and where you are, but how do I ignore the bent towards the other side. Maybe after a day or two I would again get back to same, but for these two days the thought process will indulge in this leading towards nowhere debate of to be or not to be.

But then I cant be one of those, the ones trying to fake themselves so the outer world would see what they are not, or may be what they are but what I am not, I cant be that. Just that I want to know if what seems unreal is actually so or my reality is virtual amongst those.

If my world is standing on the foundation of things which really matter or its just my belief which is superficial and floating on the shallow water. It’s the temptation of being on the other side, which looks brighter and happier, is it existent or just a mirage in this hopeless desert….

So u think u can tell… heaven from hell………

I m standing facing the day I desired the most to see, for which I was impatient to wait for all my life, and now it’s the first thing I want to escape from…. I don’t want to see it any more.. no desire to feel it remains.. the sweetest sight has become the scariest and all I wish is to run away from it….. how unfortunate that only thing I can do is to march towards it…
It’s the future… n the glimpse of it that has made me run away from it, as far as possible but I cant, I m stuck… it had to happen but never had I thought it to be so frightening, never had thought that independence would look worse than dependence, freedom would look shoddier than the four walls….
This slight glimpse had made me think of myself as I had always thought myself to be just in a more practical way, n I cant dare to think, a shiver runs through in a sweaty night when I try… how would I deal with it when it actually comes, the very thought is enough to leave me gasping for breath, what would the actual scene do to me…
Whenever I ask myself what would be the future and how I ll handle it , the only answer pops to mind “who is John Galt?”

perfection

nobody's perfect, just some stand steps away from it, others miles away...
to be the one standing a few miles away is perhaps the worst condition, you know u can cover some miles or even steps but either u cant or u dont want to cover... n when u can but u dont, after sometime, it becomes unbearable for u to stand n look urself in the eye...
its the situation when u have failed to achieve standards u set for urself, coz u have become more accustomed with the comfort then the actual life which asks for straining urself a little bit more...
a little more effort from u , to improve urself but u dont take the last last few steps, just that u feel tired when u r not......
can u get frustrated by ur own unwillingness to work, to achieve something, to be somewhere important... it surely does n there s no solution to this problem, since u have realised ur shortcoming but u still cant do nything bout it coz u just dont feel like doing anything....
thats when u jinx ur life urself................

stop and think.

i m running... in all possible directions... still not getting anywhere...n without anytime to catch my breath....
its really tiring... running without knowing where u r going, what u want to achieve... just running round and round...
some problems are inevitable, some just come along to add to my already miserable life, and lately i have got this new habit of taking up more trouble for myself for no reason at all, just the uncontrolled desire is going all over the place collecting more problems...
its not that i havn't seen failures or hurt myself, but no i wont stop n think.... just find some way or the other to cut my own leg myself...
i dont think i can blame the circumstances or life anymore, i just cant stay normally, i have to have some trouble goin around or inside me..... the whirlpool of thoughts n desires churning my insides are surely going to make my life hell n only i m responsible for putting myself in all this shit.... just some self control.... but lets not forget ... its me....
the key is to keep control over the things outside n inside urself, which is clearly missing in my case, so i shd just wait for the pain which comes next....

on n on.

must have heard life goes on...
everyday i realise it to be the only truth of life, but still the next day it comes as a fresh surprise, two decades of life but still its a surprise, shock , mystery and never solving riddle.
its hundreds of times i ve felt low or happy but every time i forget how i had dealt with it last time...
life has moved on and so have i but sometimes it just comes to me why it cant be stable, a stability that would let me not to ask for nything else from life, y doesnt that stage comes when u r content with everything, with everyone, just no more u want from life...
y am i always demanding... y am i not happy with all i have, n i have everything then y it feels that something is missing... y i want to go on searching for something i dont even know exists or not...
i want to be satisfied with life with myself with watever i have but it doesnt happen, life goes on n so do i , everyday comes n gets with it some new demands which i again start fulfilling and every night i sleep with the thought that it could have been better, i could have been better, could have given myself something better than wat i gave...
improvement is gud, but is it improvement i m looking for or is it my dissatisfaction with myself, the difference between what i am and wat i should be is increasing everyday....
will it end when the days left for me to see end or when i lay back and stop looking forward... is it coz i get up every morning in the hope of seeing something better and it will end the day i refuse to get up or the day will come when i ll get up and still wont want anything new....

dead end

sometimes while discovering urself a state comes which was not there on ur mind or ur thoughts and that situation is like a hard blow on the face of ur happiest journey of all times... they are the dead ends...
unexpectedly they come leave u without a clue about ur next move... coz u had never thought of plan B.. everything was so gud.. according to ur dreams... and wat u see next is a big full stop. no where to go, no reasons, no explanations given, just one message: about turn n go back and find ur own new way, as if new ways were so easy to figure out.
and then another question comes to your mind.. was it worth all this time??? some people will say it wasnt meant to happen so it didnt, others will be it was not worth, good u realised it before it was too late... but deep down ur heart u know that (even if u dont confess it to urself) it was worth giving a chance.... howsoever bad it has become now it gave u some happiness u wanted and made u laugh n enjoy... and how can u be so harsh at judging it... there was no promise that it will never end or wont ever hurt u.... it had to end n so it has n here u r standing at the dead end.
whatever it has made me believe and disbelieve... i m happy that all this has not let me loose the ground under my feet... i m still standing, may be not as firmly but ya i m standing.... and will be more cautious before i take any step further to leave his ground to leap into the unseen future...

discovery

can u percieve how will u act or react in situations u have never witnessed?? u might just guess, but the reality might be the exact opposite.... discovering the self seems to me the most surprising n shocking thing that can occur to a person.
i always used to say that i m prepared for every situation in life... i still say that but i find myself out of reactions in those circumstances... n my reactions leave me in amazement, as what comes out was completely out of my reaction collection.... i can never believe that i could do such a thing but this is what is discovering urself, knowing the facets of your own personality which werent given a chance earlier to come on the surface...life is bizzare, it has its own weird ways but i ll say i m the most bizzare one, nuthing or noone can be more unpredictable than me.... i surprised myself... a pleasent surprise.
n wat about those who lead me to this self discovery... miles away from my wildest dreams or imaginations is the being.. present on the ground, a reality which cant be denied.
truth is that i could have never imagined it but in reality it has happened... n guess wat ... surprisingly i m liking it too....

cant think of a title...

is physical pain the worst form of suffering or mental uncertainty.. i guess the worst is when u are suffering from both... i can say that since i have become so prone to physical injuries now that its become a regular feature of my life...
for when ur leg is broken u do nothin but keep lying on he bed 24 hrs a day and then when u have no other work u keep thinkin, thinkin bout every damn thing... bout u bout ur friends, bout the person with whom u r least concerned....and he end result is nothing but a confused state of mind and a lazy body....
and thinkin leads me to the question , what is the most important thing , me coz its my life or life coz i m responsible to live it....is it bout my happiness or me worryin bout others happiness...
luckily i have got an answer too this time.... obviously not frm my brain but someone else s. the answer is simple 'objectivism'... it is the person whose happiness and whose wish matters the most not nyone else s ... they ll take care of themselves. i m here to worry bout me, my joys my sorrows my life...
so thanks to ayn rand for writin the fountain head and supplyin me with the answers...
( why didnt i read it earlier????)

conditions.

here i am again.. as confused as ever...
my problems or rather queries of life never end... it seems that its just another smooth track but unfortunately everyday a new ditch or i should say obstacle gets into my way from nowhere.
live life on your conditions... is so soothing for ears and self... self confidence and self reliability... all these words become just other meaningless words when i come out from this bubbly fantasy world.
i impose my conditions.. oh ! i never impose them , i just propose them and the proposal is sent to the waste with me. with my conditions i get a pile of other conditions already imposed on me which i know i would never be able to but will be made to live through.
why am i supposed to sacrifice all the time.. why should i honor when i m insulted. i should not feel bad but just perform my duties as prescribed if i want conditional and partial fulfillment of my own conditions.
so what should i do?? give up my conditions or take up the conditions so that my conditions would live. answer awaited yet as always....

alien.

there's an alien kid in the town, alien to all the things going on still tries to adopt, but guess wat fails miserably.... tries to analyze that too...but is unable to understand...
problem being ...he s not able to talk, not able to talk the way people talk coz he s an alien... everyday he s slapped when he talks and then every night lectured why he should talk...is the solution that he should keep quite or blabber n then get beaten up???
this happens.. and people just turn their backs on the kids face and walk away so easy it looks but for the kid to see the person leaving him alone gives him the pain harder than he has ever experienced.
the alienland has also turned its back towards him.. so he has no where to go...laughing makes him feel better but it doesnot help... just it increases the pinch.
wat have i asked for.. a little angel for me... a small ocean for me ... i have neither, nor anything else... exist like a vegetative existence...i got it but dont stab me...
still hiding it.. form whom... myself of course...

rust

i exist to get rusted or is my existence already rusty...
rust is wat is all over, from inside of the outer covering to he very exterior tips of the rust colour surface.. everything is rusted for my vision through the rusted eyes is of the colour of distruction and so am i.but somehow it wont end with rust as rust is what wounds iron and this very rust would heal my wounds , am the one least familiar with strength or its strength i gain from degradation...
the thing called soul , was till now outlined with coal coloured kohl is now encroached by the rust, with its arms extended and an open heart.. to engulf my little weak soul...
in the end you find me scattered near the rusty dust of your feet as i see myself and your eyes from the rusty granules of my entity...

two worlds

i turn my head n the scene changes... everyones walking talking n doing everything on their own....yet just a moment back i was their controller... it just changed within a blink....
i m living in two worlds virtual and actual... and these worlds change innumerable times everyday and one moment from being the god i am thrown down to be a mere pawn acting on some one else s directions and in the otherworld i m the mind.. i m the soul inside everybody....i have my own creations walking and doing everything according to me....
yet this doesnt happen for long and some invisible bond which i have not been able to break with the actual world pulls me back....
in my world everyone is just another part of me, living beings which are nothing but my brain 's small twist and they love me that they have no where else to go, nothing else to do.. yet they are just me...
hr i m dying i m ruining myself... decomposing slowly... with all those small creatures all over me, sucking my skin and baring my insides and i m screaming in pain....

mystery or misery

it can play dirty .. so dirty at times that u ll never be able to feel better.... this is life, this is life for u... no matter how much u try to forget things but u ll never be able to , sometime somewhere each n every incident will be reminded and u ll be left alone with ur bleeding memories.
it bleeds and hurts from the inside to the outside cracking every nerve to drown u into the filth of pain... y do we get hurt and so hurt that the wounds never heal and u feel that u ll bleed to death...
thats where i m rite now...bleeding to death n i think even death would be better i m in this never ending nightmare which is testing me as harshly as it can .....

blue

i m emerged in blue...the color of the sky n the sea... i want everything to be blue....
but it rarely happens that things are exactly the way you want them to be and if u become more stubborn to make things your way life sometime reduces to a struggle where finally you are left without any idea from where u had started and where u have reached...but does that mean that u should stop trying and accept the things as they are...and what should u do when even after ur repeated effort the things stay the same or get even worse ....
i have planned a lot about my life and somewhere i am afraid to loose those dreams or plans to the hands of destiny.. but i still plan without having the slightest fear of them being brutally destroyed ... my this attitude sometimes forces me into an argument with myself.. i m the world for myself or i ll loose myself in this world...
"compromise is not in my dictionary" i dont claim this, yes i do compromise n i have compromised on lot of occasions but till where will i compromise....is life bout making rigid rules for urself and just die in trying to achieve those high standards or to flow with the flow of the water making ur life a miserable thing which has only achieved masters in compromising or to be your own self come what may and live life on ur conditions, the ones best suited to you or yet to balance out your conditions with the compromises...
the question remains unanswered........

dyin

i saw it today, i see it everyday
the tear rolls down the eye
i hate the angel called love
i love the devil called me
let me be the one to die
coz i see me dyin everyday

theories of life...

i do believe in a lot of things which are not that common but still i do and may be uncommon with others my opinions and beliefs have been formed after repeated experiences. they call me weird and that these theories dont work.. but i argue that these theories only work, after all u are the ones who made me believe in this stuff... things i never wanted to but today i m ...
friends i never understand the meaning of this word...everyone claims to be friends but do they actually even know when u need them and trust me that they ll be so far away frm u at that time nd u ll only wish that they were never there in ur life...
this happens to me on a daily basis...finally i have worked out on this also n have reached the conclusion that be your own friend and u will never need anyone else...
be honest with urself...and trust me ur friend inside u will never betray u come wat may...
so do my notions still dont qualify as justified....and now if they dont then also i believe in them nd will try not to change them ever...

i guess i got the solution

time flies... and it will. why... will it wait for me... nah...it just goes off and we have to manage to keep pace with it.. i somehow believed that its not really possible for me be exactly copin up wid time...so i ve got a way out keep a pace proportionate to time... for example if time is goin by x m/s i go by a speed y m/s which is such that 3x=4y....(u see long back i was a gud maths student) and so the pace is maintained and i m not even in a hurry....hurray....finally i got this solution or u can say a theory... not as great as einstein's but ya it works for me... and i guess lifes about workin out things.. and if u believe like me that thr s no point in takin extra pain(in the wrong place) this theory might prove to be very efficient....
life has so many faces and ur notions change so often (at least my do) that every minute i find some new colors of life buddin in my head...i m a firm believer of dynamism ...changes are inevitable so if u still want to cling wid or age old ways.. trust me life is gonna give u such a blow that u ll find urself rollin in dust...
so take my advice just take the ride of the roller coaster called life... n u ll be the happiest person on planet earth....

myself

and i ask myself a thousand questions all beginning with why and when. i dont have answer to anyone of them but the questions keep increasing everyday...why i m so obsessed with myself that it has become scary and one day i ll be scared of myself...why am i so demanding that these demands will kill me one day...am i on the path of self destruction that i ll end the weird story of my life myself...why i have become so many entities within a body that self has become more than it can sustain...i m all over my thoughts and all outside matter is blocked.. i m chocking on myself... gripped so tightly from within that i have scratches all over my hands...are these self centric circles of life trying to isolate me from the world...is it so in the hope of saving joys all i was able to save was sorrow which is now feeding on my soul.... its just that in the belief of breathing i m taking in the stale vapours of self reliance...no one now bothers me more than myself and i crave for more of myself...the hollow vent is increasing i m drowning somewhere inside myself....

.....

from the least expected came the heartful of wishes,
was doubtful of the existence of happiness,
but everything is true,
with no option but to believe...

truth v. reality

Fade out the stars so that the moon can shine,
Kill others so that the self can sustain;
Sustenance remains the only truth of life,
Howsoever the realities change…

end of a lifetime

with the answers came the end of a lifetime,
met with a fate so painful;
memories are devastated and shattered,
leaving me lonely to start it all over again...

chances

walking on the line i just stepped aside,
took another lane but couldnt fo far;
hope to have the chances again,
chances to find my sole serendity...

past

times have changed n so have all,
thoughts but revert back to rigid memories;
want to fly over the past,
freeze the time all over again...

unity

on the road of silence,
goes the thoughless mind;
taking to the divine unity,
of me with myself...

reason

reason is strong and reason is unknown,
reason behind this agony;
the missing part of life,
is something or someone....

Cage

It shouts and screams to breathe in vacuum,
wants to escape from its own destiny;
but the knots tighten and life is restricted,
inside the beautiful framework of the body...

waiting for answers

the depth of the ocean is decreasing,
the vast of the universe shrunk in my hand;
still the eyes are hopeful,
waiting for the unanswered questions....

end

one end which was never mine,
i couldn't even reach the other end;
end will come in the expanses of the ocean,
where in the end i ll break free.....

supernova

long awaited happiness never came,
pain disappointed me to sadness;
nothing is left n i m lost,
waiting for the supernova of life.....

faces

just another unknown face in the crowd,
feels like existence is a false ray of hope;
uniqueness strikes and makes me realize,
that one of all i m the only truth...

day1

fleat of thoughts, running with the blood,
enlightens the soul, nourishes the body;
eclipsed behind all this is but,
the innocence of heart...